Dating SuckS!

So... Ive been through countless relationships in the past 6 months it would make your head spin..it sure does mine. To note, these are not "random hook-ups" or just someone I took back to slam for the fun of it. And what Ive determined and confirmed with various articles/books/etc.. is that dating is essentially a game. Like chess, this involved strategy and planning. A very fucked up game of "Clue" is a close description. I will admit that I have in fact failed at this so called "game", but its by choice. I refuse to be anyone but myself and have treated others as I expected to be treated despite the "rules" of the game. As a heterosexual male with a scientific background, its easy for me to correlate my failed relationships with each individual female I have encountered, with my "approach" to the game. I'm not saying that dating is scientific in any regards, but in my experiences I've noticed trends that lead to the same specific and calculated result.

As Ive become older, and looking for a relatively long term relationship, the dates I have acquired have been various. I dont date significantly older or younger girls (a year older or younger than myself), expecting them and discussing with them being in the same stage of life. So I usually sleep with them before the 3rd date.. I believe this is a non-factor in the over-all result of the relationship due to the lack of actual emotional value of sex at the given time. I could be wrong on this, but given that i have been told the same ending story in essentially every relationship, i feel this is not that important. Also I live relatively far away from most people I date due to location, so it makes sense that she would sleep over and one thing leads to another. Anyhow, each woman Ive dated for a while have resulted in the same response: "I think your such a great guy, and i don't want to lose you, but I'm just not ready or confused right now".

Why this response? you can form your own opinions but i truly believe that i treated each one too well (and equally) given the specific time frame.. Most married woman would love for their husbands to treat them like gold (which i did for each one, besides my "control" experiment). As a note, dating is an experiment...its a test to see if a male/female will be or meet a certain expectation based upon their previous relationships. Anyways, what I have determined is that treating woman well, which may include buying dinners, saying complimentary things, being open and communicative, expressing any emotion. If you any of these, it makes you appear "weak" or 'un-confident", and inevitably result in a failed relationship. Any truth to how you feel about someone in which things you say or things you do is strategy to the "game".

It would seem that being honest and open with someone in regards to how you enjoy them and their company would be a success. However In my experience, everyone I have treated in such a manner gives the same (slightly variable in terms) excuse for not wanting to be with a legitimately nice guy.

However, i did date someone in which I was not attracted too physically. Call me shallow, call me an asshole, call me whatever, but.... I didn't do anything special for her.. i didn't plan elaborate dates, nights out, dinners, etc... regardless, she sent me texts all the time regarding her feelings for me. I didn't feel the same (due to the attraction factor) so i didn't lead her on.

As I looked back i though it was rather odd and ironic that the girls i dated in which I sent flowers to, or bought things I knew she wanted/things i knew she enjoyed, were the ones to end it with me. Why?..... because i wasn't playing the game... i was being honest. But sadly, this is not how dating is.. In my opinion, you have to treat woman (that you like) as if you were not that interested.. you don't give complimentary comments, you don't buy nice things, you don't show an interest at all... This will honestly result in the interest being delivered back ten fold in the non-expected direction....

Why?..might you ask...

Why do all the really stupid videos on Americas Funniest Home Videos win? Santa falling out of a tree stand is way funnier than some autisitic kids laugh...

Why is it when you see someone’s shoes untied you automatically think they will fall down…..would you be that quick to notify them of their issues if it were their fly that were down?

Why did that particular bird have to shit on your particular vehicle? Especially when there are hundreds of more expensive, newly washed, and target colored cars in the parking lot.

Why do you have a very well prepared joke or sentence but when it comes out it’s completely ass backwards and makes no sense?

Why did that clock say 1:30 and after I got up to get a glass of milk it says 2:15?

Why do you never remember that song artist but remember what color shirt you had on when you got hit by a car 10 years ago?

Why does that giant truck have to park in such a spot where you cannot see you car when exiting the store?

Why are the best love songs tragic and depressing?

Why does the good guy always win the battle/girl/fight/struggle in movies… don’t screen writers live in the unfortunate real world?

Why do most cd’s you buy only have two good songs, 1 megahit, 2 more decent songs, and the rest are shitty?

Why do bosses treat you just well enough to make you not quit?

Why did people make a big fuss about hidden porn in Disney cartoons? Odds are, if you didn’t see it at first….neither did your kid. After all who couldn’t use and extra laugh?

Why does money typically make people happy? Yes it makes things easier but that doesn’t equal happy. A kiss makes people happy. Sleeping doesn’t cost money and it makes me happy.

Clothing can be funny and ironic

So im watching a comedy special in which a very tall and slender jewish (self admitted) comic is wearing a "tap out" sweater. Ill repeat that.... Jewish skinny fellow wearing "Tap out"... Im pretty sure he didnt wear this to seem funny or for any laughs in general. Not to mention this great"fighting" reference clothing line is sold in various mall department stores and probably on middle school kids' backs. Fortunatley Im able to see this clothing apparel is corresponding to the influx of ufc popularity and, like most people, understanding about how to make a quick buck... I just think its funny how everyone wears this new retarded clothing in hopes people think of them as a bad ass.... Its as if a homeless man wore Abercromie and Fitch... it just doesnt fit... I think there should be a new rule... only those who are mentally unstable, who have a history of violent crimes, or who legitimately fight for a living should be able to wear a "Tap Out" shirt or logo...

Steroids on steroids...

Why arent steroids legal again?

Oh thats right... because of the kids... If it wasnt for underagers who havent fully developed, we could all enjoy the bountiful benefits of increased testosterone... However, roid rage is a true terror... how could I forget? Not that cigarrettes of drunk drivers kill more people... but those are legal. Maybe if we suggested taxing roids, that would get some attention. But since tobacco and alcohol are concidered "sin" tax, maybe we could label roid taxes as "heavenly" tax or possibly: "up in the air about effects of this product" tax.

The Name Game

Possible New Crayon Colors:
- "Accident at Blue Collar Job" (combo of dark red and bone marrow color)
- "Porn set" (off white and possibly translucent)
- "Gunmetal" (shrapnel and wax)
- "Office microwave" (a mixture of reds and yellows)
- "Stripper Green"
- "Bacon Brown"

New Candle Scents:
- "Grandmas couch"
- "Circus Vacation"
- "Petting zoo"
- "That time the sparkler landed in your Aunts hair"
- "Sex musk"
- "NFL Locker Room"
- "College Dorm Room" (hints of burnt popcorn, stale beer, and regret)

Gym etiquette, rules and guidlines

Rules, Guidlines, and Etiquette
1) Never wear under armour to the gym*....ever
2) No short shorts....i dont care if you were a runner in high school...or you need to do laundry
3) Never trust a "trainer" more out of shape than you....any dumbass can get a certification
4) Only equipment in which you've bled, drooled, or intensively sweat on, needs to be cleaned by the you
5) Yelling is obnoxious and uncalled for
6) If your fat....do cardio until you've elliminated cottage cheese legs, arms, ass, second chin
7) Only jump rope in a designated "no one can hear that shit hit the floor" area
8) If you notice someone going from 1 machine to another...ask if they are done or to work in. Dont assume they are completely finished and rearrange attachements**
9) Conversations with hot chicks are to be done when you can actually breathe or when blood can reach the rest of your limbs.
10) Never hesistate to ask something to some schmuck listening to his ipod (me included).... Rick Astleys "never gonna give you up" isnt going anywhere.
11) Feel free to get pumped before a big lift....as well as laugh at the facial features of others while lifting
12) If you have the Teen Wolf situation...cover your hairy arms!!
13) Legs are only important if your a professional athelete or wear shorts a lot
14) Never wear a jump suit or wear more than two of the same logos (unless you're sponsored by them)
15) Dont fill your damn water bottle when people are behind you.... use the golf rule
16) Never use a computer or cell phone while at the gym...business, your girlfriend, your kidnapped daughter can wait.
17) Any conversation, sex story, gossip, etc.. with a lifting buddy about his girlfriend, wife, or boss doesnt leave the gym
18) Any cigarette must be smoked at least 32 yards away from the gym entrance upon your exit 19) If your wearing boxers to the gym...save yourself some embarassment and keep legs down during al exercises.
20) Signing up for cardio machines is retarded....but dont be a dick a waste a treadmill by walking for 45 minutes
21) Time between sets should factor amount lifted, number of reps, and number of people eyeing up your machine.

*this applies to dudes only..if your a chick (and in good shape) wear whatever the F you want
**if working in...set weight back to where they were

Kids are getting dumber...

So Im on my lunch break at work, reading the local newspaper, and contained in the back section is a "teen" page. In short, they pick three random high school kids and ask them stupid questions...Please note I said "High School kids"... Anyways, they ask shit like favorite color, sports teams, food, etc... basically anything a 5 year old with down syndrome could answer... As I read one kids Q and A, I came across a response to a question that seriously bothered me for some reason. The question was "What do you do to entertain yourself when you have no money"...yes this is a stupid question to begin with... but his respose: "spend it."... Are you shitting me??? Not only does that answer not fulfill my slightest bit of intrigue with what the shithead would do with no money...but its a completely illogical answer...If you have no money to spend...how they hell is that possible? Did he just not think it through? The question at hand was clearly stated so there should have been no confusion. I would have accepted "shoot hoops", "Smash pumpkins", "jerk off", "put firecrackers on frogs", "drink a bunch of red bull and kick my sister"...something other than "spend it"...Did I mention he wants to become and engineer?

In closing, Im convinced our youth are officially becoming progressively dumber...and that scares me a little.